The random rants and meaningful musings of seven digital divas (who happen to have MS)

Friday, June 27, 2008

Hey all,
I thought I'd drop a line. I went awol for a very good reason, and have decided that I shouldn't neglect Diary of Ms X as you guys are my friends and at the moment i really need your support. This isn't a promise that I will be around a lot more. I might just disappear again.
It has taken a long time for me ( you know how long as you haven't heard from me in ages!) to come to terms with whats been going on, but as much as I think I'm strong its still very hard to even type this out. It turns out that its not about MS anymore for me, I have MS for a reason. I have MRI scans every 6 months, as most of you would probably have, and in my last scan late January this year the doctors found a brain tumour. So far they have diagnosed it as brain cancer. It is in a very awkward position, they can't operate on it or even do a biopsy. It has grown 2 cm within the 6months from the previous scan. They can tell me that its probably still growing, and also it is secondary. Which means the cancer has come from somewhere else in my body. I have the option of Radio Therapy treatment, but the side effects i would come out with don't look worth living with. I have had further test and am waiting to know where else the cancer is. I'm also waiting for them to tell me how long i have left. It a lot to take in, trust me you have no idea how long its taken me just to write this paragraph.
I can't decide whether its good to talk about things or not. If i don't maybe the subject wont always become a topic and therefore I won't always be thinking about it. I have bad days and good days. I'm trying to keep myself busy. I have always been somewhat of a loner but i can't decide if i should be surrounding myself with more friends. If you guys have any comments I'd appreciate it, any tips or advice, or even just something funny to make me smile would be nice. I hope the rest of you are OK, and most importantly - happy.

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