Here I am again, apologising for going AWOL. I know, I know, I'm a terrible blogger. And all you commenters that I love to read have disappeared, I feel like I've let you all down, please come back!

To be honest I haven't been on the computer much at all lately. Just every now and then when I need to buy beads for jewellary making or a new handbag, and then it's on again, off again. Oh and I read my emails... or the important ones at least. I really am too tired to sit through 20 funnies that aren't funny, and oh god, those fake sentimental I love you chains. I am NOT going to turn into a 3 legged rat if i don't send them on, ok??? I do however appreciate funny funnies, you may send me these... unfortunatly as I am anonymous in this blog my pleas will go unheard.



The reason I've been AWOL is cos I've had Trigeminal neuralgia. The pain is pretty much under control now on tegratol, and a pretty small dose so it's not really that bad. But it has left me with MASSIVE brain fog. I can't really concentrate, so I can't stay on the pooter too long as it's very tiring, let alone think long enough to write a blog entry, or think enough to type and follow a conversation in JJs chatroom or on msn, so I've been missing my JJs friends alot. I can't really concentrate on stuff like crosswords or kakurus in the paper. I mean I can do them, It's just not that enjoyable because I'm on another planet. And I can't make jewellary because I can't really coordinate my brain, eyes and hands. So I'm quite bored round the house during the day because I have nothing to do. There's pleanty I would like to do I just cant. And worse of all, I'm not tired enough to sleep a day away, it's just not that type of fatigue. So I'm stuck in this foggy world of nothingness, boredom and frustration.



When I do go out, which like alot of you I'm sure, I don't get to do very often. I enjoy it but I drift in and out of conversations. I really hope people understand I'm not being rude, I just can't hold the concentration long and sometimes I have to go into my own little world and try to shut out the noise and the movement so my senses recover and I can join in again.

So my plan for this week...
Well, I have one earring still to make, I made the other ages ago but still havent managed to finish the pair
Finish the telegraph saturday crossword. That includes rubbing out all my mums entrys and writing them in neatly... I definitly have OCD issues LOL
Go to the DR with my shopping list of issues. These include exthma (I can't spell it and I'm not looking it up) and a DRs note to let me do a giant zip slide across the River Clyde in Glasgow.
I'm doing the zip slide to raise money for the MS Society, I'll tell you all about it when I get confirmation. But oooh I'm excited!

Speak to you all soon, as soon as can be, bearing in mind to me a fortnight feels like about 3 days
CC

Update

First of all my itchy feet have developed into itchy, hot and sweaty feet (and smelly too). I've decided to bite the bullet and go to the doctors. Will let you know what they say when I find out myself.

Secondary, the man does like me and we are now an item. We went out last Saturday and to the cinema on Tuesday. We're planning to meet up this Saturday when/if he gets back from a business trip in Birmingham.

Getting my hair done tonight, having it dyed chocolate brown with a pinky-red stripe. :-D

Anyway better go and get ready for my appointment with the hairdresser.

Love you all x

Advice please

I am unsure whether this is MS related or not, but can't think what else is causing it. I have itchy feet, and they are really annoying me. I have had tingly feet before, but this is different, these are really really really itchy. I want to scratch them all the time, there is no lumps or bumps or anything. Is there anything that I can use to calm the itching down that you know about?

And the second thing is, how do you know if you really like a guy and that he's right for you?

my feet are toooooo itchy grrrrrr

Helllllooooooooo

Hi all,

Just a quick note to say I am still alive, I have not forgotten about you all.

I am very well at the moment, my MS is not effecting me, so I am making the most of it, getting out and having fun. I have a job, think I might have already mentioned this to you. I kinda have a BF, ish.

As I said my health is good both physically and mentally. Life is looking up and I really am making the most of it, my thinking is "this can't last forever so might as well do the things now".

I don't really know what to say as I don't want to get too personnel here, but I do still love you all and thank you all for your support so far.

Hugs and Kisses

Smokey

Merry malarkey

Hi all! Just a quick hello to say I am back! I do have an excuse as to why I've been away... I've moved! And now I have internet access, so I'm back.

I'm so glad Xmas and new year is over and done with. I am not an overly grumpy person (ok some might disagree) but I am not a fan of the "holiday season". After a horrible year I am in no mood to slap on a happy mask and pretend to have a good time with others, when all I really want is to stay in my new house alone and uninterrupted.

As well as the expectation from others to spend an insane amount of money on presents. I am unemployed, people and have been for over a year.

I could complain forever about xmas.

Other things I can easily spend all day complaining about include men, the NHS, the government, the benefits people, healthy people who complain about a cold, digital cameras, and of course MS.

If any of you would like a written review of my opinions on any of the previously mentioned, don't hesitate to contact me.
Oh and Candy Cane, I'm not doing it unless you're doing it with me. So there :-p. lol.

Merry xmas, bog off!

Merry Christmas, but bog off!!

Of all the months I really couldn't be arsed to get ill it was December... and guess what!!

No matter how prepared you try and be, and when you have MS you gotta prepare, a spanner always ends up in the works. And my spanner is known as tegradol!

I was half way through my xmas shopping, doing well, no extra fatigue and no stress... when I was hit with a nice dose of trigeminal neuralgia (I think... I'm not really sure, might just be a dead bad headache). So they started me on this tegradol and I just slept for 10 days! That's 10 days taken out of valuable shopping/visiting time. Which means you end up cramming it all in together instead of pacing yourself and it just becomes a nightmare!!!!!!!

And of course you always get some idiot who turns up unannounced and thinks that seeing as you're not doing anything they can stay for hours (the unnamed perpetrator did bring After Eights... so I made them a cup of tea) not realising the knock on effects of their spontaneous arrival.

This Friday afternoon had been my designated 'rest' day where I would make my last piece of jewellery for a present, make a few cards and wrap some presents at a leisurely pace. Instead, this one hour visit zapped my energy, and gave me less time to get things that I NEEDED to do, done! Meaning I had less energy to do things in half the time, resulting in pushing myself. I then had to cancel a meeting with a friend that I'd had planned for the next day because I needed a new rest day as I was knackered! And I mean the knackered you get when you are so expended you don't have the energy to speak. I was gutted too, I was really looking forward to seeing her. :-(

Now I know, I know, I should have turned the girl on her heels when she turned up unannounced... but as many leaps and bounds as you make in 'learning to be selfish' sometimes it's really hard. You can't go through all your life being 'Miss Ice Queen Super Bitch' and on this particular occasion.... I was just too tired to tell her to eff off and come back when she had rung/texted/emailed me to arrange a suitable time for both of us (yes, I do realise not everyone can work entirely round me).

What really gets on my nips is the fact that if I had a job, or a family of course people would arrange times with me... but no, I'm unemployed, I have all the time in the world! And anything I am doing is far less important than what they do, and it can't make me feel THAT bad.... Or am I just measuring everyone else by my own standards??

Also... those prats who turn up, and when you ask how they are they sniff and say they have a cold.... WELL WHY ARE YOU BRINGING IT TO ME, YOU IDIOT? YOU KNOW I'VE BEEN ON IMMUNO SUPPRESSANTS FOR 4 YEARS, YOU'VE SEEN WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I GET A COLD, YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT EFFECTS ME FOR...... WHY???????????

*sigh* I did have a little sniffle over xmas but my immune system fought it off and it never took hold. I've never felt so proud of myself for events beyond my control... I felt like a dad taking his son to the pub for the first time, and buying his first pint.... that's ma boy!!

I do love my friends, and I do love to see people. It gets very lonely when you can't get out much, and you drop out of people's consciousness but this constant people training is exhausting. I don't do much, and it's bloody hard work not doing much, so please please help me rather than hinder me... is that really too much to ask?? Why can't people understand it??

I did drop a lot of friends who just didn't get it... I worked with the friends who wanted to get it but found it hard to understand... and leant on the friends that got it straight away. It's difficult to turn your back on people, but if people are bad for you it's the best thing to do... question is can I do it again??

Christmas wishes

Just wanted to say Merry Christmas to you all and hope 2008 is a good year for all of you!!!!!!

Hope you have lots of fun and frolics (that's frolics CC, OK?? lol).

Quick update

As some of You may be aware I've been missing for a while. Right now I'm in a really dark place & can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Yeah, I know it's there somewhere but for the timebeing it escapes me. So as you can imagine it's been kinda hard to "show face".

Things haven't been good with me for a few months but I was coping because normally that's what I do. Put on the brave face & pretend that it's all good!!

I won't go into details because am hurting way too much right now to even bring myself to actually admit what happened but I've taken steps too put the situation right.

Anyway think am gonna leave it here coz am not really making any sense.

I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas.

Ms xxx

Me & me big gob

PSST...

I just accidentally volunteered See See Rider to model at the MS Life fashion show.... Do you think she'll mind??

Happy Christmas

I promised to write and tell you all about my holiday in November, and I didn't...sorry!

So here's a quick update on what I've been up to, before I go away again.

• the holiday in November was good - much partying, much alcohol, nice people. Excitingly, my ex was there - we had some Big Talks. He's currently seeing someone else but wants to finish with her, says he made a mistake finishing with me, yadda yadda. I've told him nothing's going to be happening while he's still with her, so if he wants to finish with her he's to get on with it. I'll be seeing him again at Christmas so he's supposed to be
  doing some hard thinking before then and I'm deciding whether I want him back anyway. Meanwhile I'm having my hair done and looking out low cut tops! I'll keep you updated, but he's a champion faffer so I suspect he won't have done anything about it.


• My brother is getting married next July, to a woman from Vietnam. She's about my age, and has a teenage daughter. He didn't buy her on the internet ;-) He goes out there for work and met her at one of the companies he works with - she's an engineer. She's very nice, and has passed the ultimate test - my mother likes her too! They're going to have two ceremonies, one in Vietnam and one here. I don't think I'll be making it to Vietnam, but I'm looking forward to the ceremony in Portsmouth. Got to start thinking about presents!


• I'm back at university which is tiring but good. I've presented a paper at a conference since going back, and submitted the chapter I was asked to write for a book. Quite the little high-flying academic I'm turning into! I'm also getting bits of consultancy to do from the faculty I'm studying with, which is cool. I was supposed to be doing some when I went off sick, so that's my Christmas holiday activity ("A review of policy and practice in end of life care" - fun, eh?)


• MS-wise the news is kind of mixed. I'm much less fatigued than I was over the summer (not that that would be hard, I was sleeping about 20 hours out of every 24) but my mobility is getting worse and worse. I'm waiting to hear if I can start on Novantrone, which would hopefully slow down the progression. Interestingly though, it would turn my wee blue! (and thanks to Shop-Till-You-Drop for pointing out how this would save on Toilet Duck ;-)

Other than that, life just goes on really...I'm off on Saturday for two weeks, over Christmas and New Year, to one of the holiday centres I go to. Hope you all have a great Chrimbo and an excellent 2008!

So tired!

Right, I've been trying to write this for a week but been sooooooooooo tiiiiiiiiiired!!

Well, my first MS Society big thing went really well. I had the Christmas party last week..... yes I know it was early but I've been organising none stop since last October, and I'm taking December and January off!

I stole Jooly's format from the 10th birthday party and had some music for some stand up fun, and wrote a quiz for some sit down fun... and a buffet .... cos I get hungry when I organise!

Everyone seemed to have a good time so I'm feeling very smug. although gutted I never had time to enjoy my own party, by the time I'd made sure everything was running smoothly, read out the quiz (god I was nervous, I hate public speaking... even if I am hilarious) and sorted the raffle out, I was exhausted so I went home lol.

And when I got home could I just flop into bed??? NO! I found 2 cats and a MASSIVE live toad on my doorstep. So here I am trying to get rid of this toad, I didn't want to open the door in case it jumped inside (it was right on the ledge) but I didn't want it jumping into the jaws of death either... but I couldn't just pick it up and take it somewhere like I would do with a mouse, cos 1. I had no idea where it came from 2. my hands were full (and I don't just mean a little bit full, I had a CD player, a bouquet of flowers, and a bag full of quiz papers and answer sheets) and 3. I was wearing 4 inch heels.

Anyway, my friend's husband got out the car to help and guided it away from the doorstep, and jumped like a girl when it jumped... like a toad, and all disasters were averted! Apart from that the poor toad was miles away from home because my lovely pussy cat thought it would make a nice present (well I do like green), cheers Bramble, I love you too xx (I know it was Bramble cos he brings live presents, where as Lily likes them dead, and often eats half... she's very selfish)

So... that's about as exciting as my life has been recently.... more posts to follow now I've started leaving the house again after my hibernation and mini depression, happens to us all eh??

Christmas!!!!!

We have all been quiet haven't we. Don't know if you're back Wednesday Addams but hope you had a nice holiday and I hope everyone else is ok.

Just a question for you all. Are you ready for Christmas? I realised the other day that we have hardly done a thing and there is less then 5 weeks to go arrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhh. I only realised it was so near when I realised it's 2 weeks to my birthday and I know Christmas is only a couple of weeks after that. We did order a couple of bits online yesterday but still got lots to do. But I'm not gonna stress about it, I've decided that what doesn't get done doesn't get done - tough!!!!!

Another thing, for those of us in wheelchairs. Do you find the shops harder to get around this time of year? Isn't it just so annoying that they fill the aisles with, what can only be described as crap (well most of it). It's like wheelchair users don't shop at Christmas do they?? God forbid!!!!! Right that is my little rant over.

Just in case I don't get to write here again before the big day I wish everyone a very merry Christmas. Have a good time and don't eat/drink too much.

Alive again (ish)

Wow, everyone's been absent, not just me. Well, hopefully I'm sort of back. Ish. I've been having a relapse you see. Damn MS. Did I tell you I have MS? So I've been doing lots of sleeping. I'm not 100% now, but I'm better than I was...and if I wait till I'm 100% I'll be waiting the rest of my life, so I'd better get on with it!

I'm off on holiday on Saturday (cue more sleeping in preparation for party party party) - will tell you all about it when I get back!

Woohoo *sets off party popper*

You live where?

This will make you laugh.

I had a letter today from the DWP (Department of Work and Pensions) with a letter and form for me to return. Oh, what was the purpose of this important letter? What top secret personal information do they need to know next?



Dear Ms X,

We are writing to you at Your Road to ask you where you live, as we do not have an address for you. Please return this form letting us know your address.

!!

Urmm, funnily enough the address at which you wrote to me is actually where I live. Imagnie that!!


I seriously wonder how some departments run at all.

P.S. I have highlighted the part asking for my address and then made big arrow to my address saying "I've found it!!".

Under the 'Your Reply' part of form I wrote:

"My address would be the address to which you sent this letter. Just to confirm, this is my one and only address since I told you I moved last year. Does this help you in this matter?"

Back in time

We're going back, back in time...

Well, I went to physio today. Transport picks me up really early so usually I have a 30-45 minute wait. Today I spotted some 'new' magazines on the table so went in for the kill...

The cover said Home and Houses Magazine October 1985. Huh? I thought. Can't be true. It must be a spoof cover. Let's look inside. But it was all true!

For those of us who think that's not that long ago, it is 22 years ago!!!!!

Was funny reading about all the “new” gadgets of the day.

A new regnor car with - wait for it - windows that you don't have to wind up! You can push the button!

A tumble dryer that will dry your clothes 'like a gentle summers day'.

An oven with a fan that means you can open the door when cooking a soufle and it won't go down (essential, eh?).

I'm glad the craze for bright plastic bathrooms is over as well as the chinz look.

Anyway, beat that if you can!!