The random rants and meaningful musings of seven digital divas (who happen to have MS)
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
Well, it's Tuesday 5th of June, the day of my driving test... only guess what.... I had to cancel!
Unfortunately this time it's nothing to do with my health.. in fact I wish it was! My big brother died in a motorbike accident 2 weeks ago, and frankly there is just no way I could get behind the wheel of a car at the moment. Not to mention I'm bloody knackered!
It took 10 days for us to plan the funeral, with the post mortem, bank holiday, inquest, and the obligatory family feud. By the time I got there I was dead on my feet.
The stress hasn't so much effected my arms and legs, which is lucky as I now have 2 children and a sister-in-law to help look after. Unluckily, from the moment the policeman knocked on my door to tell us about the accident my bladder went into spasm. My sister-in-law also has ME so she is my main concern. (And yes funky mango.... I know if I don't look after myself I'm no use to anyone else)
On Friday (just gone) I went 24 hours without a pee, ended up in casualty by 10pm... had to wait another 2 hours before they hooked me up with a catheter and you should have seen the bag when they had finished draining my bladder... it literally took the piss! There was 500ml in the bag... and a remaining 100ml in my bladder by the time they had finished at 2am (frankly i didn't care about the last 100ml, I just wanted that bloody tube out my wotsit and to crawl back into my nice comfy bed). Apparently our bladders are designed to hold between 350-450ml of urine... man I must have been ready to pop! I'm surprised noone asked when i was due!
Anyway, this morning I've been to the wee nurse to learn how to self catheterise. I know lots of people fight this and really don't want to do it. But hey, what's all the fuss about? I mean... I've been having periods for 10 years now so I'm quite used to aiming 'down there' as it were. noone has to know what you're doing. you can hide the wee lipstick catheters in that little pouch at the back of your handbag were you keep your tampons (and cigarettes when your parents still don't know you smoke at 21 :-s ) and you go off and do it in private. I feel in no way undignified, or less of a woman. In fact by doing it i feel i can reclaim being more of a woman. It's better than being sore, uncomfortable, prone to infection, and worrying about dribbly bits when you're having sex! (I blame him.... messy bugger ;-) ). C'mon girls, get catheterising! (Sorry I'm not encouraging you boys but frankly you have it easy, yours is much more accessible and dangly you just gotta stop being so squeamish!)
This might seem like a strange entry, jumping from my brothers untimely death to catheters but its been a loooong and eventful 2 weeks. i would just like to finish by paying tribute to my big brother, he was a miserable git but I wouldn't have had him any other way. Goodbye Patrick, I Love you xx