The random rants and meaningful musings of seven digital divas (who happen to have MS)

Monday, August 20, 2007

These legs...

See See Rider
Are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do, one of these days these legs are gonna walk all over you...

Hi all..

It seems it's been a while for everyone to post a blog entry.

I think we're all too obsessed about the weather at the moment.

The last time you heard from me I was ready to run over a certain GP for crushing my latest dream and inspiration for my new found faith. From there I spiralled downwards to the bottomless pit we all know as depression.

Things didn't make sense to me anymore, I didn't know what my plan was, or how to feel. Confusing everyone around me with my baffling behaviour, as usually I think I'm pretty good at acting normal. Suddenly I was very obviously ill.

I was looking forward to the long-planned weekend away in the countryside with an old friend who was in similar distress. Brilliant, we can emit our sour odours to each other and swap heavy shoulders.

But something happened out there, my senses were cleared, clean clear air filled my lungs and all I could see was green, wide open spaces, and the only buildings present were pleasant to the eye and probably more pleasant to be in.

Now, this is what I wanted. I realised that in order to be happy I need to change my situation, physically put myself somewhere where I will be happy.

So I've been working on it. Slowly, I crawled out of my chair and pushed myself to walk on my crutches. My physiotherapist then made me swap them for something I can't lean on, so I had two very tall sticks. These were so cumbersome I couldn't be bothered and opted for my old trusty walking stick. During this time my income support had come through (finally, after 8 months!) and for once I had some money in my account that didn't come from a member of my family.

I walked so much as I loved being out of the house and having the freedom to roam free.

So last week I ditched the stick, my third leg was finally left behind and put to rest leaning behind my door.

I put on some nice clothes for the first time, got on the tube for the first time, and went to town for the first time in about 9 months. Then I had my first drink and got absolutely pissed!! Yes yes, I know, pissed on one measly glass of wine. In my own defence, I didn't have any lunch.

So here's a toast to (as Smokey said) taming the beast!

This weekend I am going to a wedding, I've made my own dress, I'm going to wear my high heels and I'm going to be fabulous! I am also going flat hunting.

So who knows where I'll be next week, hopefully a step closer to being happier than I am now!


Amanda Parr said...


Well done for getting rid of the sticks and walking and wearing high heels (thats one of my ambitions ).

I was diagnoised with MS in jan 06. I currently use one right elbow crutch can i just ask how u managed to get rid of your stick.


A Parr

see see rider said...

Hi Amanda!
Trust me it didn't happen overnight. It's hard to tell what helped the most; medicine, diet, determination or maybe it was just time for my remitting stage to switch on. Or maybe all of it all at once...?

Naughty but Nice said...

Oh see see great to hear from you and also glad you are so cheerful after being in the pits of despair. Hope you have a good time at the wedding and you feel 10 feet tall in your high heels.